I want you to know how much I love you, and I hope that you can always tell.
I’ve wanted you for so long, much longer than I dared say to anyone. I knew what they would say… that I would not make a good mom with my unstable past and the not so great reputation I carried. I was always the one dependent on others so no one would dare consider me as first choice for a mom.
And yet God placed this desire within me that was so strong I could barely keep it down another second. Even so there was a trepidation in my soul at the very thought of you. You see, I always knew you would be able to look past the me I wanted you to see. You would not only have the ability to look into the deepest, most vulnerable parts of me but would cause me to go there myself. Places I had locked so far away I hardly remembered they existed myself.
Still, in spite of that, God asked me to take His hand even as He took Dustin’s hand to embark on the journey of parenthood.
So today I ask for forgiveness. For the times when I do things you (and even I) don’t understand. The times I may fail you or seem unfair. You see, my baby, I am learning and growing just as you.
But I hope you know what God always knew…. He gave you to me as a beautiful, precious gift that was going to teach me more about myself than anyone else ever could.
I love you unconditionally and hope that you can look deep into my soul to love the real me.
Journey with me through life as we grow close to God together. In Him, we find beauty for ashes and the story of us…