When he passed

Having a child pass obviously makes you evaluate your life. There is nothing as sobering as waking up one day and realizing that your life has changed in one of the worst ways and you can’t make it go back no matter how hard you try.

This was the situation we found ourselves in once the fog lifted from Elijah’s passing. Figuring out what was important and what we could live without. Figuring out what things last in light of eternity and what things were wasting our time. 

What we found was that so many of the things we were spending our time on were just not that important. We always had a desire to make our lives to count. We wanted people to remember Jesus and how much He loved them when they thought of us.

If the truth is told, I am not a perfect Mom. I struggle. I get angrier than I should, I can be snippy and as a friend affectionately told me, my children are fluent in sarcasm because I speak it more than I should.

Even in the midst of the struggles,  I believe that God’s grace abounded and Elijah felt loved, as do our daughters. And now I hope that I am able to convey this same love not just to our Jasmine that is on the way but to her Birth Mom. She is an amazing individual who has more strength than most people could ever dream of.

As time went on, our reevaluation left us in a place where Dustin knew it was time to move on from the position he held even though we weren’t quite sure what we were supposed to be doing. We just knew that this was no longer for us which meant there had to be someone else who was better suited to take our place. And we are glad to say that there was.

It was during that time that I watched my girlfriend get promotion after promotion in her Rodan + Fields business. And I called to ask her what it was all about. After praying,  Dustin and I decided that this was exactly what we needed financially although I had sworn off Direct Sales after a brief run with another company that ended like a train wreck without my having made any real money and being stuck with inventory that I didn’t want or need.

Having weighed our options, and knowing full well that I could not leave our daughters to go work outside of our home and disturb their lives yet again, we decided to be “all in.” We truly felt that God had opened the doors for us to take a chance on Rodan + Fields and He has proven over and over again that it exactly what He did.

This business has allowed us to pay bills we wouldn’t have otherwise been able to pay at that point. It helped immensely while God cleared the way for our current position, which is exactly the right fit for our family. We are completely at home in our new church and able to serve the community as we feel led without having to sacrifice family time to do so.

Last year was easily the hardest year of my life – friendships lost, job changes and the hardest of all was losing our son. Nothing prepares you for dealing with those things,  especially not consecutively, but God was so exceptionally gracious and loving and patient with us through it all. He brought us incredible people to walk alongside us, healing through a foster placement and then eventually a Birth Mom who chose us to parent her precious daughter and a church whose DNA is acts of service for the community around them.

I’m not sure what you are facing today, not sure if this season is your “hardest one yet” but please take heart. God has seen the end from the beginning and He has a plan even for the difficult things.

It may come in the form of encouragement from a friend, or a bible verse that sticks to you. Please, though,  whatever you do, don’t give up. There is so much life on the other side of this! And unexpected blessings seem to appear when we feel like we are at the end of our rope.

As always, feel free to message me with any prayer needs and thank you so much for journeying with us!

Love & blessings to you and yours.


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