Grief has a funny way of changing you. It can easily steal your propensity to love because you could spend all your time worrying about being hurt.
As we walk through the transition that is adding a perfect little doll baby to our family, in the midst of the joy, I see glimpses of what loss has done.
Loss means that I sat awake every night for almost a week just checking to make sure she was breathing.
It means that our 3 year old wouldn’t let her baby sister out of her site when other people held her. If they happened to walk around with her, she was on them like white on rice until she was “safely” in my arms or Dustin’s. It also meant that breakfast conversations included her telling me that she loves her sister too much for her to go to heaven just yet.
Loss also means that our big girl holds her baby sister and sometimes cries because she is overwhelmed with emotion. And she double checks with our Dr to make sure that everything is good with her baby sister at every appointment.
Hope after loss can sometimes seem nearly impossible. Once we have tasted grief, it is hard to imagine that we will ever find joy again. But joy and love has a way of finding us again.
As the girls & I reread and listen to the Chronicles of Narnia audio books, I am once again reminded of how important it is to teach the girls to hope once more. Even if it is scary and even if we can’t control the outcome, we must choose to love again. We must choose to trust God again.
Diggory shared our sentiments in The Magician’s Nephew, “but when he remembered the face of Aslan, he did hope.”
There is something about knowing that Jesus walked with us through those difficult times, He grieved with us and loved us during them. His face, His nail-scarred hands and His love spur us onto love and trust again.
I pray that my girls (& all of us) would wake up each day and find the strength to hope in Him once more…